I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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