I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
