I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
did i just pee glitter
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
