Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
