He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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