I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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