Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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