Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
