It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
