I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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