More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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