I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
