I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My vagina is very pro this idea
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
