Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Randomize
