sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize