the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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