So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize