yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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