Kiss
Puke
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
