I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize