you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
