You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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