The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
smell my finger.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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