I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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