i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
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