That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
