I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
