How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize