Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
