So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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