remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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