She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
