I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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