C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Terrible idea I love it
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
