# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I should be sponsored by Trojan
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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