What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Randomize
