btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Welp...herpes.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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