Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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