Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
