I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
