I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i think i have two assholes
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
