sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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