my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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