tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
