Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
