I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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