Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
