She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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