omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
