I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
