I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
