do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
