So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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