He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
