Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I did not marry a roomba.
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