Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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