wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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