Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
