Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
