I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
