My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My dick has a subreddit
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
