dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
