She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
