I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
