I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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