just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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