He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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