fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
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