I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
