I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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