apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
