and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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