So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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