Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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