Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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