And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
