Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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