I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
