I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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