Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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