I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
