I just saw a hot homeless man
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
