Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
