Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
