Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
