I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
