when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
