Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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