I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Enjoy the penises
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
