Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
