Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
