Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
