those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
