I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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