I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Randomize
