Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
